NEVER QUIT!

A few years ago, a dear friend of mine shared about her struggle with bulimia. I was amazed that, after many years, she had navigated a way through the self-loathing and self-destructive behavior and had come to a place of peace with her body. When I queried her about what it was that helped her overcome her issues with food, she said, "I never quit"!

I've heard people say this before and to me it always sounded like a foreign language. What does it really mean to "never quit"?

For me, "never quitting" means that I accept that certain things will be challenging and that I won't always "get it" on the 1st, 2nd or 100th try. Sometimes it means looking at the issue from a different perspective, asking for help or shaking things up and doing something radically different.

Lately, I've discovered that "radically different" means that I stop paddling upstream and just go with the flow. Instead of focusing on trying to fix myself, I shift my focus and ask, "How can I bring more love & joy into my life in this moment?" "How can I bring more love & joy to others?"

My friend said that when things got really bad and she felt like giving up, she volunteered at a soup kitchen. Giving to others shifted her perspective and soon her problems didn't seem so overwhelming anymore!

ME, MYSELF & I

I treat myself with the utmost care, love and respect because ME, MYSELF and I are in it together for the long haul!

Mother/daughter bonding

When I was 11 years old, my mother took me to my first Weight Watchers meeting. I was just starting to develop curves, ate when I was hungry, enjoyed being outside with my friends and did not need to be on a diet!

The truth is that my mother wanted company so that she wouldn't have to diet alone.


I think I would have preferred a dance class!

"F U" DAYS

When my daughter was moving into her teen years, there were days when the morning ritual of figuring out what to wear to school would turn into tearful, angst-filled meltdowns. We decided to call these "F U Days", for "fat" and "ugly".

No matter how many times I would tell her how beautiful she was or how great those jeans looked on her, my words could not penetrate the wall of self-loathing she had built up in that moment. What my daughter really needed was acknowledgment that there were some days where she just wanted to wallow in whatever drama her mind had created.

Sometimes she would stomp around for a while and then leave the house still embodying the FU energy. Other days, we would end up laughing at how ridiculous it was that we could feel great about our bodies one day and the very next day think they were the ugliest thing in the world.

The biggest lesson I learned from this stage of raising a daughter, was the importance of giving feelings a place to be fully expressed so that they ultimately dissolve into the nothingness from which they came. When I resist and suppress feelings that I label "irrational", "unevolved" or in any way negative, I allow them to fester in some dark corner of my psyche.

Goddess says, "When you're having an F U DAY, give it your ALL and make it the best F U DAY that you can possibly imagine. Stomp around. Have a temper tantrum. Write a complaint letter to the universe. Then love yourself back to center."

Jonny Diaz 'A More Beautiful You'

Comfort food

Tonight, after a long car ride to bring my daughter back to Boston, she suggested a nearby Jewish Deli for dinner. I was really in the mood for some comfort food and deli food fit the bill perfectly!

When I was growing up, my grandfather and his 2 brothers owned Zietz's Delicatessen and some of my fondest memories took place at that restaurant. My Papa always made my favorite lunch, 1/2 a corned beef on rye with a side of his famous potato salad and a barrel pickle. It wasn't just the food, which was delicious, but the love that I felt from my Papa as he served his first grandchild. I felt like a princess in that deli!

On my journey of learning to listen to what my body wants and needs, there are many times when my emotions take over and I want to eat something purely because of the memories associated with that particular food. When I push these feelings aside and think that I should be eating something healthier, I deny an important part of my emotional makeup and end up feeling deprived. When I honor ALL of who I am and indulge that little girl with the memory of her mommy's loved-infused mac and cheese, I find myself being satisfied after just a few bites.

Goddess says, "Honor yourself by feeding yourself on all levels~ physical, spiritual AND EMOTIONAL!

Can I come over?

When I was growing up, my mother's best friend, Linda, was an ever present fixture in my life. On a regular basis, Linda or my mother would call the other on the phone and ask, "can I come over?" These visits were always accompanied by an endless stream of coffee and "a little nosh".

I loved when they let me eavesdrop on their gossip sessions, listen to them describe a new recipe that was "to die for" or discuss what they would wear to Friday night's cocktail party.

There were many times that I was told to go out to play or go find something to do because they needed to talk about "grown up things". I would hear whispers and sometimes tears as they helped each other through some mysterious adult problem.

When my mother decided to divorce my father and move to California with her boyfriend, her friendship with Linda ended and they never spoke again. I never knew what really transpired, but I suspect it was a very painful ending to a long friendship.

Most of us lead very different lives than our mothers and grandmothers did. We are single mothers, career focused, have home based-businesses or live far from family and friends. The days of going to a neighbors to borrow a cup of sugar and lingering for conversation and support, are mostly a thing of the past, but our need for connection and support from other women has not disappeared.

Goddess says, "Women are a source of great strength for each other. Make time for nurturing and healing relationships with the women in your life"